Is this how love is supposed to make me feel? Will I cry at every romantic scene? Will I always feel “when is that kind of love going to find me?”? Maybe I have him, maybe I don’t. Why do these movies make me feel that I’m going to find my love in Rome even when I think I have found that love here? Why isn’t that love enough? Why do I want more?
I think, and believe that maybe I have found the one. But at 5 in the morning, my heart aches to find the one again. I feel I’m not doing justice to my partner. My heart is a stupid fellow and I want to know if it’s indeed right. I’m certain I have the one I want. But why does this voice in my head says “seek more”?
What to do?
This time, anonymous
At 14, I was criticised for being heavy. It was later on in my life, I realised that my bones are quite heavy and it was natural to have extra weight on the weighing scale. But at that time, my friends started calling me names, and even I considered myself fat. So, I started eating, a lot. And thus, I gained weight for real.
This happens to the best of us, and what’s even worse is that till 12th class, I was actually pretty ok. It was later in college that I got fat and had a weight of 90 kgs. It might be more now but since my height is well, I don’t look heavy.
Why is it that I felt the need to lose weight? Was it because I wanted it or was it because of my friends? I wanted to look like one of my pretty friends. But pretty is just a word. I’m beautiful, and I know it. I have my insecurities but these insecurities only come up due to my friends acknowledging these. But, right now, I’m at a place, where I don’t care. I am more confident than ever and I’m proud of myself.
I saw my pictures from before earlier, and I had no confidence, had a hunchback, and was pretty slim. Still every time I ate, it bothered me. As my friends would call me by nicknames like moti, saand, bhains. I felt humiliated as many of the other girls like me would have felt at some point in their life or are still feeling.
Know this, you are not alone. I have had my share of insecurities and might have given someone else their share too. I’m not a saint. The world isn’t black and white, it’s grey.
The title does not signify anything.
Of course the title signifies something. I’m a big fan of movies like 13 going on 30, pretty woman and confessions of a shopaholic. Yes, I’m a fan of romcoms.
Thanks for joining me! I write as freely as I can.
Anything I publish is just my opinion, it does not mean to disrespect any beliefs. Also, Hi, I started this blog only because I have never had the chance to share my thoughts with anyone. I would love to continue anonymously as of right now. I am inspired by everything and everyone, but I am invested in literature as I couldn’t opt it professionally due to personal reasons. Thanks again! Xoxo, TheGirlWhoGoesUnnoticed